


First Real Crush™

by I3internet



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, Crush, First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, He woos Javi anyway, M/M, Pining, Yuzu is a shy boy, he's got balls
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 18:01:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15466956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I3internet/pseuds/I3internet
Summary: Yuzuru has a crush and panics a lot.





	First Real Crush™

Yuzuru was barely 17 and had only recently come to terms with his sexuality when he left Sendai for the chilly atmosphere of Canada. Little did he know, this would be the worst mistake of his life.

He had come with the aim of learning Javier's quad salchow technique and had resolved to keep a polite and respectful distance between them. No matter how warm his eyes were, he was still his rival, and there was no weakness like love. Unfortunately, Yuzuru had failed to consider the fact that training with Javi would mean being close to him virtually every day. This of course, had led to his current embarrassing predicament.

It had all started on the first day, when Yuzuru had gone in for a nice, friendly handshake. Javi, like the oblivious bastard he was, completely ignored him and hugged him instead.

‘?!!??!!%##%$!!!!!’ Yuzu had thought. This was not supposed to happen. Javi's chest was too warm and solid to process, and the strong arms that wrapped around his torso had completely scrambled his thought process. Yuzuru had practically run away after the encounter was over, desperately trying to hide the scarlet hue of his cheeks. What had he been thinking? Being this close to him was clearly career suicide. He brushed aside his mother’s concerns of a possible fever, and hastily laced up his skates.

The practice that followed was an absolute nightmare. Well an absolute nightmare by his standards, he was Yuzuru Hanyu after all, and hated making mistakes. He choked every time Javier whistled by, the scrape of his skates reverberating across the rink. His English was horrendous, and the Spaniard’s presence only worsened it, reducing his vocabulary to embarrassing laughter and flustered nods. He ignored Brian in favour of admiring Javi’s shoulders and tried to make up for it by hurling his body into triple axels that made his heart catch in his throat.

Javi finished before he did, and he was saved from the potential stroke caused by being semi-naked with him in the locker room. Unfortunately, this gave Yuzuru plenty of time to curse his existence under the spray of water, and question whether or not skating was really for him.

His mother didn’t pry on the way home, but he recognized the knowing look in her eye. Of course, she already knew. She knew everything before he did, even his own sexuality. That was only the beginning.

Two weeks later, he was finally forced to face Javi alone in the locker room, having run out of excuses about showering at home or eating a post-training snack. The water in his building had stopped that day and he was pathetically lacking in any edible substances. He resolutely walked through the door and shoved his bag into a locker, mindlessly uncaring of the way he crumpled his belongings. Cautiously glancing around, he was relieved that at least for now, Javi was nowhere to be found. Turning the corner into the rows of shower stalls, he was immediately blinded—blinded by the pure beauty that was Javier Fernandez’s abs holy mother of god he was not going to survive this.

‘&%#$@%#%!!!’ And again, he lost all ability to function logically. This was not fair. Javi looked like he had come straight out of a commercial; white towel slung low around his hips, water trickling down his body.

“Hey Yuzu! Finally here huh?” Javi grinned at him. Yuzu could only laugh and nod back. He randomly chose a stall and slammed the door behind him. Why was this happening to him? He crouched down and buried his face in his knees. The moment he realizes and accepts he’s gay, there’s someone driving him up the wall with sexual frustration and flustering him with every interaction. This was getting out of hand, he realized. If he didn’t put a stop to this, Javi would become his First Real Crush™ and that was not okay. He took a deep breath and shed his clothes for his shower. Humming in satisfaction at the water pressure, he quickly made up his mind.

When he went home, he would immediately look up photos of other really hot people and come up with reasons why they were all objectively better than Javi. He would then support that thought with people he actually knew who were also objectively better than Javi. With that in mind, he would force himself to treat Javi like any other person, thus solving his problem of not being able to breath when the Spaniard was in the same room. A little ridiculous, but theoretically this should work.

 

His plan failed dramatically.

Not only did he fail to find anyone who could compete, so far he had still only managed choked greetings with the other. He wasn’t exactly sure as to why he was so affected either; the attraction was only physical, he barely even knew him.

Of course, that was it. He barely knew him. Therefore, if he got to know him, there would surely be a few qualities that would be enough to put him off right?

Wrong. Luckily for Yuzu, his mother had gotten worried at his lack of friends, and kindly asked if he’d like to have Javi over for dinner. Of course, this was assuming that he could even make it through the few sentences needed. So, he’d taken his time and worked up to it, starting with short, barely there conversations which progressed to compliments on his quad salchow. Then he’d decided that he wasn’t going to get any further and bit the bullet.

“Javi? You want to have dinner with my Mother and I tomorrow?” He had rehearsed the sentence countless times, making sure he said ‘Mother and I’, rather than ‘me and my Mother’. His online tutor had expressed that it was essential that he have good grammar. He was Yuzuru Hanyu after all. The other man (boy? Javi was only 20 after all) had seemed surprised, but readily agreed. That night, he tossed and turned in his bed. He had an existential crisis questioning the purpose of his existence, and the purpose of Javi in his existence. (‘We’re all going to die anyway, if I just asked him to kiss me I doubt anyone would care in a few hundred years…#$%^#@!!’)

The next day, he fretted over the state of his room, straightening this, flattening that. It was only when he realized that he had rearranged his books three times that he realized he had to pull himself together. Javi was just a person. A very attractive, very kind person.

He forced himself to sit down and do homework until 7PM. Miraculously, he eventually stopped checking the time every five minutes and actually managed to get into the rhythm of things. A biology paper here, a math worksheet there. He was in the middle of writing an essay for his Japanese literature class when a quiet knock interrupted his thoughts. Thinking it was his mother, he called out for her to come in in Japanese. A very male voice, which definitely did not belong to his mother, replied.

“Uh Yuzu? What did you say? It’s me, Javi, I don’t speak Japanese remember?”

Yuzuru snapped his head up in horror. In his concentration, he had somehow managed to scatter textbooks and sheets of paper all over his desk and bed. His thrice-arranged bookshelf was also no longer colour-coded. He didn’t want the Spaniard to think he was always this messy! Having no choice but the rise and open the door, he was greeted by the slightly confused face of his training mate.

“Sorry if I startled you, your mother let me in and told me to wait in your room.” Javi smiled at him. Fuck, he was always smiling, smiling and distracting him. Nevertheless, Yuzu smiled back.

“It’s okay, come in. Sorry my room is so messy, lost track of time.”

He stepped aside and let him further into his room. Javi looked around curiously, taking in the manga magazines stacked on the counter and focusing on the schoolwork littered around him. He stepped closer and looked over Yuzuru’s shoulder to examine his essay.

“What’s this about?”

“It’s for Japanese literature class. Teacher ask us to write reflection on book, write about how we feel.”

“Damn, I’m so glad I decided not to go to university; I was a horrible student. I like your words though, they look so graceful, even if I can’t understand,” Javi laughs and sits on his bed.

“To be honest, most of this is due tomorrow. I put it off until today to do and fax to them,” Yuzu giggles nervously. Javi laughs again, louder this time. This was not going well, getting to know him was doing the opposite of putting him off. At least he could keep a conversation going now, he thought with an internal sigh. He shuffled around, more at ease now, collecting his pieces of homework into a stack and setting it on his desk. He also moves onto his bed, crossing his legs and shifting next to Javi.

“How has the move been? I know Toronto must be a big change from Japan,” Javi asks him.

“To be honest, quite hard. I like Cricket Club, I like Brian and I like the people here. But everything is so different. I miss my friends, even though I fly back and see them every once in a while. Many of them still affected by the earthquake from last year, very hard for them. Sometimes feel shame for not being there to help more.” He shakes his head in a physical attempt to clear it.

“I can’t say I understand what it was like to go through that trauma, but I can understand what it’s like to move to a new place. Coming here, especially alone, was also quite difficult. Everything’s strange; suddenly you can’t read menus or understand basics signs anymore. People in general become more intimidating, and don’t even get me started on dating.” Javi said. He wrapped an arm around Yuzu’s shoulders and pulled him in.

“Don’t worry too much though; I’m sure you’ll get used to it soon. If you ever feel like it, you can always talk to me about it too,” Javi reassures him. And with that he became a puddle of Yuzuru Hanyu, with the way he just melted at Javi’s kind words. He supposed that he this was okay. He was young, Javi was young. They could figure it out together if the need ever arose, and he guessed that he could just let this develop naturally.

Except that he was never one to let something just develop on its own. If he wanted something, he would get it. Javier was something he wanted, he decided. If he was going to have him, he supposed that he would have to make Javi like him first. He called Kanako for help.

“Okay, so this is easy! All you have to do is woo him! Make him food, make him bring you out for food. Tell him he looks good with his hair pushed back,” Kanako cackled. He whined and begged her to actually help him, not just tease him about his horrible crush.

“Oh I can’t believe I’m actually seeing you with a crush! Never thought I’d see the day when you blushed over someone special. Okay okay I’ll help.”

“ _First. Attract his attention. Wear that new Under Armour set you just got; it highlights your ass.”_

Yuzu admired the lines of his body that his training gear emphasized. He turned and mmhhm, Kanako was right, his ass did look great. He stretched and rearranged his hair a bit, determining himself presentable. He didn’t bother to acknowledge Javi when he passed him, only sat down nearby to lace up his skates. He did glance out of the corner of his eye for a reaction though, and huffed internally. Nothing. Maybe he needed a bit of time to notice, not everyone was hyper-observant after all.

By the end of the session, Yuzuru was thoroughly chagrined by the lack of reaction from Javi. He had pulled a Biellman and a donut right in front of him. He purposely stepped out of a triple Axel into the splits, and subsequently fell out of a TRIPLE TOE only to slide on his stomach to a rest at Javi’s skates. The older boy had only laughed and pulled him up, checking if he was alright. Not only was Yuzu distracted from actual training, he was also discouraged and feeling rather horrible about himself. Plenty of people had told him he was attractive before. If he acted the way he did in front of anyone else, they would be tripping over their own feet, eager to give him attention.

Maybe Yuzu had read it all wrong, and Javi was only into women, despite mentioning that he found other men attractive before. He plopped down on a bench in the locker room, dejectedly packing his things away. He needed to try something else, if he wasn’t visually appealing enough. Hmph.

_“Next. Make him food, I’m serious, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Even better, hide his lunch and give him a bento box, pray he doesn’t know what it means so I can laugh at him.”_

Initially, Yuzu had laughed at Kanako, but after the way he embarrassed himself on the first step, he was willing to work a little harder on this next one. He got up even earlier than usual, making sure to keep quiet to not wake his mother while he was busy in the kitchen. He carefully rolled the rice balls, and packed them tightly into the box, making sure the shape was preserved. He took the shrimp tempura he had made the night before and arranged them carefully in a row. He even went so far to prepare a Japanese-style mango salad for Javi, and generously scooped a portion into a compartment. As a last-minute thought, he slid some of his mother’s chicken teriyaki in with the tempura and added a slice of fruit. He nodded, satisfied. Hopefully Javi would find it acceptable and eat.

He himself only had a morning session that day, but he was well aware that Javi would start later and have a lunch break. He now had to find a way to hide his lunch for the day, assuming he had any. His plan would be foiled if Javi had planned to eat out. Choosing to forget about it for now, he packed it away into his backpack, and set out for his training session.

He lost himself in the comforting dig of his blades into the ice, and the way it stayed solid underneath him. Here in Canada, he didn’t have to worry about it fracturing and pieces bursting upwards around him with earsplitting cracks. He could be safe and forget.

Thankfully, he wasn’t too oblivious to notice when the Spaniard showed up, and immediately paused to observe him. He loitered nearby as Javi shuffled through his things, sipped his coffee and pulled on his skates. No lunch to be seen. Fuck. Okay, he would have to find a way to rifle through Javi’s things undisturbed, no matter how much of a privacy breech it was. His eyes lit up and he smiled. He skated quickly over to Javi during a break and tapped him on the shoulder, happy to touch him in any way. The other skater swung around and fucking beamed at him, the audacity. Nevertheless, Yuzu steeled his body against the onslaught of desire to melt and collapse into Javi’s chest, proceeding with the plan.

“Have you talked with Brian about music for free program? I think he is getting impatient,” Yuzu giggled for effect at the end. Javi sheepishly rubbed his neck, all boyish charm, and shook his head.

“Maybe now would be a good time huh?”

Yuzu nodded eagerly. Soon Javi was skating towards Brian, and by the way the older man’s face brightened, he was very happy about him seemingly taking initiative and being responsible. They turned and left for his office to discuss some possible tracks for him. As soon as they were no longer in his line of vision, he dashed across the empty rink and stumbled over to Javi’s bag. He zipped open hurriedly and began looking for a lunch. He found a shirt, some sunglasses, deodorant, gum, a notebook, his phone…fuck fuck fuck. No lunch. He panicked for a moment, but eventually pulled himself together.

There! He laughed to himself. It had been resting by his skates the whole time. Unfortunately, he heard footsteps approaching. He felt blood rising to his cheeks at an alarming rate. Having nowhere else, he desperately flung the lunchbox into a nearby potted plant. By the time the other two caught sight of him, he only appeared a little winded, likely from training very hard, of course. He spent the rest of his training session practicing stroking exercises with Javi and relaxed with the synchronized rhythm of their bodies.

When he was in the locker room, he checked the time and gave himself a rough estimate until Javi’s lunch break, wherein he would notice the missing lunch box and Yuzuru could conveniently present the bento box as a gift.

He returned just in time to watch Javi furrowing his brow in confusion and precede to climb and look over several other benches in search of his lunch box. Perfect timing. He approached and made sure his footsteps could be heard.

“Hey Yuzu, have you seen my lunch? I put it under this bench but it’s gone all of a sudden,” Javi said.

“No, know nothing about it. But what a coincidence, I bring bento box for Javi today. Is a gift,” Yuzuru replies and proceeds to extend the box in Javi’s direction. The other male looks surprised but takes it with a smile.

“Really? Thanks! Did you make it yourself?”

“Yes of course! Is gift so I make it myself.”

He watches Javi open it and beam at the contents. Satisfied that Javi is aware of how much he cares for him, he bows and takes his leave. Of course, that was only until he was safely around the corner so he could peek around and make sure Javi liked it. To his pleasure, he watches Javi take bites of tempura and smile, and practically wolf down a rice ball.

“Yuzuru? What are you still doing here?”

He jumps and spins to face his coach guiltily. He then pretends to not know how to say the words in English, eventually getting away with a few deep bows and apologetic smiles. Brian, store employees, the police, works every time. Sometimes he layers it on with rapid-fire Japanese in seemingly chagrined tones to further convince them.

Unfortunately, Javi still did not make a move over the next few weeks. He complimented Yuzuru’s cooking but left it at that. Yuzu became more and more frustrated. Javi was supposed to be falling head over heels by now! With a heavy heart, he progressed to step three despite steps one and two failing to produce adequate results.

_“Honestly, just tell him already. No need to jump through all these ridiculous hoops you know, you could just skip to this.”_

And that’s what led Yuzu to this position; stuffed into a locker, trying not to breath.

He had mulled over the decision for a few nights before finally resolving to end this once and for all. Whether Javi returned his feelings or not, he would have to find out. It didn’t matter if he had to spend even more nights awake in his bed, pining, or begin to work out how to fit him in as a new priority in his life. Either option was better then endlessly trying to get his attention and failing. For God’s sake, he just wanted Javi to like him.

Besides trying out Kanako’s ridiculous courtship tips, he had been endlessly trying to get Javi to show that he felt any kind of attraction for him. Eye contact, little smiles here and there. It had all been returned, but other than that he had been frustratingly uninterested. Undeterred, he had determinedly set out for the locker room at the end of their joint session to settle this once and for all, man to man.

Until he entered and heard Javi on the phone.

He was speaking Spanish, and he paused, because his voice while speaking Spanish always sounded so smooth and genuine. The rigid barriers of a second language were stripped away, leaving him raw and sincere. Yuzu smiled and thought that he would wait for Javi to finish his call and resolved to step around to shower first. But then he put the phone call on speaker, and a woman’s voice filtered through the speakers, tinny and slightly unclear. She sounded warm and loving, like she and Javi were very close.

It could mean nothing, right? She could simply be a friend, nothing more.

His heart dropped. Yuzu was only familiar with a few Spanish words, but the equivalent of that critical ‘I love you’ was included. His heart stuttered further as Javi returned it, loving and fond. Despite his best efforts, he felt a stifling pressure behind his eyes and a quiver begin to develop in is chin. He panicked as he heard Javi rounding the corner, and not wanting to face him tearful, he had somehow resolved to squeeze into the nearest locker and shut the door as quietly as he could. Which is where he is now.

His heart squeezes painfully in his chest as he laughs silently at both his ridiculous predicament, and the fact that he pathetically thought Javi would return his feelings. Somehow, he had failed to consider the possibility of someone else; someone more beautiful and loving than he could ever be.

He feels the tears brimming in his eyes and trickle down his face. He wonders briefly if this is okay. Were people usually this devastated when the person they liked turned them away? He wouldn’t know; he had lived a protected life with nothing more to it than skating and school. While he was by no means ignorant, he had missed many important milestones that others his age reached long ago. Javi’s presence in his life as a possible romantic interest had been greatly amplified, amplified until it overwhelmed him.

He clutches at the edges of his sleeves and tries to calm down. Vulnerability was not something he was well acquainted with, and the last thing he wanted was for Javi to see him in this state. He holds his breath, waiting for Javi to leave. No can do apparently. He sees the Spaniard take a seat on the bench and scrolls through his phone. He sighs and waits; of course, not only does he cry but he also ends up shoved into a locker waiting for his crush to leave so he can take full breaths again.

He’s horrified when he feels a tickle in his throat, and while trying to suppress it, bangs his elbow against the metal ensconcing him. Javi’s head snaps up in alarm, as the locker in front of him is seemingly making noise! Yuzu feels the blood rushing to his head as Javi gets up and moves to edge the locker door open. He closes his eyes and hangs his head, wishing that he were the size of an ant so that Javi wouldn’t see him. How embarrassing this was; caught snot-faced and in the dark.

“Yuzu? What are you doing here? Did someone push you in? Why are you crying?” Javi barrels on with the questions as he gently pulls Yuzu out. He wants to melt into the floor with embarrassment. His cheeks colour more, presumably adding to the blotchiness of his face. He doesn’t turn to look at him until Javi’s voice grows angry.

“Who was it? We need to tell Brian about this, this is not okay. I’ll track him down myself if I have to!” The rough tone, laced with something else, draws his chin up. He shakes his head softly, sniffling and wiping his tears.

“No one. Was being stupid, went in by myself,” He replies morosely. Javi’s eyes grow confused; he’s probably wondering if he heard him right. To his utter humiliation, he feels that he can’t hold back the tears anymore, and suddenly lets out a sob. Tentative arms wrap around him and pat his back. Yuzu allows himself this brief moment of comfort, pushing aside all logic that tells him he should make something up and leave.

“Sorry, sorry to bother you. I take shower now,” He mutters as he pulls away, still crying. He grabs his bags and walks away.

When he comes back, Javi is leaning on the wall, wearing a fiery expression. He doesn’t bother saying what he’s still doing here, only walking with Yuzu to the doors of the club. Thankfully, his mother was not there that day. He grabs his hand and leads him to his apartment a few blocks away. Yuzu goes, relenting quietly. When they’re inside Javi sits him down on a comfortable, worn sofa and places Effie in his lap.

“What happened?”

Yuzu shakes his head.

“I’ll tell Brian something’s wrong. You know how much he hates bullying in his rink.”

The notion that he’s in trouble adds to the stress of the day, and his previous heartbreak resolves to frustration.

“You can’t do that. I decide what I want being told about me, it’s not elementary school.”

His weakly glares at him, daring him to push it. Javi drops the stern look and only looks sad. Sad and helpless. With that, his momentary anger leaves as well, leaving him exhausted. He shakes his head and sighs. Javi deserves to know, he would continue to beat himself up for day if he thought Yuzuru was being hurt. He could lie and leave out the part about the crush, but he guesses it can’t get any worse than this. He takes a breath and starts.

“I like you.”

It’s quiet, and roughened by his sore throat, but he knows Javi hears.

“I’ve liked you for a long time, ever since I came. Was always trying to get your attention. Like bento box. In Japan, people give to people they like. Did not think you would know, but hope you like and understand. You are first person I really like, means a lot to me. I wanted to tell you today, but heard you on the phone with your girlfriend. Feel very bad and start to cry. Did not want Javi to see, so hide in locker. Sorry, did not even consider that you may already have someone,” he bows his head.

Chancing a glance upwards, he sees Javi’s shocked, but also slightly confused face. He watches as the gears click and his eyes develop that clear recognition he knows so well.

“Yuzuru, I don’t have a girlfriend. That was my sister.”

And for the second time that day, Yuzu is mortified at the way he misinterpreted the situation. He flops back on the couch and buries his face in Effie’s fur, wanting to scream. He moans lowly instead and hears Javi chuckle quietly.

“And Yuzu, while it is admittedly hilarious that you decided a locker was better than just facing me, that’s not really what I care about. I like you too. I don’t know how you didn’t notice, but I can barely concentrate when you’re nearby. You’re rather hard to ignore.”

Yuzu registers what he says slowly. When he does, he lifts his face and for the first time since he entered that locker room, he feels hopeful. Javi’s face is open and kind, if not a little teasing. He moves closer and gathers one of Yuzuru’s hand between his own.

‘$%#@$U&%!!!!’

There goes his logic again. Javi’s hand reaches up and cups the back of Yuzu’s neck, a place that he was more than comfortable with by now.

“Can I kiss you? You’re rather pretty when you cry.” Javi teases. Yuzu hmphs but nods with a little smile. Javi leans forward and everything in Yuzu’s body goes into overdrive. He instinctually lowers his eyelids and feels Javi’s lips meet his. It’s a strange sensation, and Yuzu doesn’t quite know what to do, but Javi smells nice and his mouth is soft and welcoming. He registers their noses brushing and the heat of his hand on his face. He sighs and melts a little, letting himself be led. All too soon, Javi is pulling away and smiling gently.

Yuzu folds forward and happily wraps his arms around Javi’s torso, his head finding a home under Javi’s chin. He feels a gentle stroking on his back and sighs; if only he could stretch this moment until it spanned his whole life, and that was all he had to experience. He stops worrying about the future for a second, and thinks that, perhaps, moving here was not a mistake after all.

**Author's Note:**

> This could be considered a bit of a prequel to New Family Members, as a very long backstory to a particular line.
> 
> Please leave constructive criticism! I want to improve haha :D


End file.
